Anger
25 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized
The purpose of spontaneous anger is to let you know when someone is invading your boundaries in some inappropriate way or ignoring your needs. It is stimulous to set appropriate limits or to get the environment to respond.
Anger is often a misunderstood emotion. Its not unusual for me to hear people say ‘Oh I don’t get angry’ and I think hhmm…..really? Someone pushes in front of you when you’ve been queueing and you dont mind? Someone steals your pushbike and thats ok? Steals you partner? Attacks you? Spreads rumours?
Sometimes when we are young we receive messages that its bad to be angry, that it’s naughty, frowned upon or even punished. Or our experience of anger can be that it is scary – anger can sometimes lead to violence or aggression, and if we have witnessed that then we dont want to repeat it.
Anger is a very useful emotion. Anger usually means that some sort of injustice has occured, either to ourselves or someone/something else. If we feel angry then we are roused to do something about it, to bring about change. However if we don’t act on our anger then it sits inside, swirling around as resentment, unexpressed, every irritation thats not expressed adding to it. Maybe we fear it will be overwhelming, destructive.
Thats when it may be useful to find a counsellor, who offers a safe place to explore these emotions. So you can look at the reasons you may find it difficult, and look at ways to change in the future so you can express your feelings in a more healthy way.
Anger is normal and natural. Anger brings about change. Listen to your anger.
Raise your Self Esteem
26 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Thoughts
The way we feel about ourselves has a huge affect on the way we treat ourselves and others, and on the kinds of choices we make. Here are some things you can do to protect, raise, or reinforce your self-esteem.
• Spend time with people who like you and care about you.
• Ignore (and stay away from) people who put you down or treat you badly.
• Do things that you enjoy or that make you feel good.
• Do things you are good at.
• Reward yourself for your successes.
• Develop your talents.
• Be your own best friend – treat yourself well and do things that are good for you.
• Make good choices for yourself, and don’t let others make your choices for you.
• Take responsibility for yourself, your choices, and your actions.
• Always do what you believe is right.
• Be true to yourself and your values.
• Respect other people and treat them right.
• Set goals and work to achieve them.
Feelings
26 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized
‘The more we understand our feelings and express them appropriately the more we understand what is significant in our lives and discover more depth, meaning and satisfaction.’ Adrienne Lee.
People can sometimes be worried about their feelings, frightened anything other than positive emotions are bad. I however feel there is benefit is every emotion….pain, sadness, fear, fury – they are all valuable and they tell us whats going on in our lives. If we don’f feel sad, then we don’t acknowledge the loss we have had. If we dont feel fear, then we cannot protect ourselves. If we dont feel anger, then we dont know what we have to change. And if we dont feel joy, then we dont feel satisfaction.
The more we become aware of our feelings the more we can make sense of our world. A very simple way to do this is to write a journal and just explore our feelings on paper…
Some examples of things you might like to write about
- What did you learn about yourself today?
- What did you learn about others?
- What do you feel confused about
- In a perfect world, what would you like to happen?
- Something you noticed in your interactions with others
- What are your fears, hopes, and anxieties
- Did you get angry/frustrated about something?
- Successes, and what pleased you
Strength
14 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Thoughts
When someone is described as strong, what does that really mean?
5 Top Tips
13 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
Diets are great aren’t they? Every diet we start holds the promise of a new and exciting you: a slimmer you, a happier you, a more confident you, a healthier you, a sexier you.
So why is it that when we are desperate to lose weight and know how to do it, the world isn’t full of happy, healthy people within the ‘normal’ weight range?
Diets often have the side effect of making us gain weight – why?
Well, we start a strict diet, lose a few pounds but often it is too restrictive and almost impossible to stay on. Feeling like a failure we break the diet and then ‘treat’ ourselves to all the food we denied ourselves, regaining the weight we lost plus a couple of extra pounds. And so it goes on.
Being ‘on’ or ‘off’ a diet, good and bad foods, gaining and losing weight – it all seems to take such a lot of time, money and effort. Surely there is a better way?
Well what about ‘Naturally Thin’ people? The people we watch enviously as they eat whatever they like without ever gaining a pound? What can we learn from them?
If we watch a ‘Naturally Thin’ person closely we see that they eat whatever they fancy at the time whether it’s a burger or an apple But as soon as their appetite is satisfied, they stop eating, leaving whatever they don’t want. If we can forget diets and listen to our bodies we will naturally become in tune with our needs again and escape the misery of compulsive eating and yo yo dieting.
Janes Top 5 tips to become in tune with our bodies
5 tips for Ditching the Diet
- Eat when you are hungry: Sounds obvious, but we eat for many reasons – to be sociable, for comfort, because it’s a meal time. Listen to your body and wait until you are hungry before you eat
- Eat whatever you want: Listen to your body, close your eyes and imagine what it is you really want – sweet, salty, crisp, spicy – then have it.
- Enjoy your food: Eating food is a pleasure to be enjoyed, so enjoy whatever you have chosen to eat. Savour every mouthful.
- Stop when you are full: Again, sounds obvious but as children we are often praised for clearing our plates – or bullied, or punished if we don’t. Stop eating for a moment, ask yourself if you are still hungry. If you are, then carry on enjoying your food. If you have eaten sufficient at this time, stop.
- Be kind you yourself: You are only human, you don’t have to be perfect. Expecting perfection from yourself is a sure fire way of failing. Take small, manageable steps and reward yourself for every success, no matter how small.
Ditch the Diet
13 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
I used to be a consultant with Slimming World which I enjoyed, it was a great company with a brilliant eating plan, fabulous training etc etc but over time I got more and more interested in the psychological side of weight loss and it’s complexities. When we are desperate to lose weight, and know how to do it then what is it that stops us from achieving our goals? We can list many many reasons why we want to lose weight, but what if there is something about being slimmer that worries us? What if that unconscious fear stops us succeeding?
The desperation to lose weight along with the subconscious fear of losing weight causes an inner conflict which creates a ‘yo-yo’ dieter – always either ‘on’ a diet and not allowing anything except what the latest diet says is allowed to pass their lips, or ‘off’ a diet, bingeing and feeling out of control. And a compulsive eater knows only too well the misery of feeling out of control.
I want to help people to understand their chaotic eating, to explore hidden fears they may have while looking at practical steps to get back in tune with their body and natural appetite. No forbidden food. No starvation. No guilt. No critisism. Just understanding, empathy and acceptance.
This is a subject I am very passionate about, as I know the misery experienced by people trapped by compusive eating or yo-yo dieting, and I want to help. So I shall share on here some thoughts and ideas which you may find helpful. If you would like to know more look at my website for more information
